The modern mobile phone does a lot of good for the world. It’s an instant information repository, GPS navigator, and Angry Birds player all wrapped into one very expensive device… that breaks when you touch the screen funny. No really – my last smartphone broke because I apparently pushed my on-screen camera button too hard. Remember those old cell phones? I drove over my cell phone once in 2005 and it still works today. Go figure.
How many times do you check your email or social media accounts per day? Do you get mobile notifications too? Forget this couple hours with no internet nonsense. I’m pretty confident it’s more like 30 seconds.
There should be a sixth category on this: you’ve won an international lottery, had a rich relative die, and God wants you to have a bazillion dollars because you’re such a good person.
This doesn’t apply to me. I’m currently on level 432 on Candy Crush Saga. As for an Ironman Triathlon, I do struggle to figure out how much butter my popcorn should have on it while I watch people put themselves through hell for personal “fun.”
I’m thankful to have met my wife before online dating became a “thing.” Funny story: I met my wife because I blew out my knee play football in college, so I asked all the girls at a Freshmen event if they had any drugs. I married the girl who said “Yes.”
You know what’s really fun to do with people who are texting while they walk? Especially when you happen to be someplace like Walmart [although nobody is ever actually at Walmart if you believe my social media newsfeed]? Sneak up in front of them and as they get close, scream very loudly.
Now that’s entertainment.
I’m actually disappointed that no one thought to put Pong on this list. Apparently the 1980’s were unimportant or have been erased from the collective social conscience. I blame Orwell.
This was definitely produced by someone who has a PC. When I used my Mac, I never have this problem. On the PC, I have to reset the modem and the router at least once per day to make it work. What’s worse, however, is when your ISP sends a ping through your broadband connection that overloads your modem, they don’t tell you about it, and then they don’t reset your line and make you call in about the problem… and your cell phone has no battery.
Illustrated by kingofnormal.com
